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being nessasary

a quirky look into being

I mentioned in yesterday’s post that I am afraid of Santa Claus.

Would you put your child on the lap of a strange man in the mall?  Is it okay to welcome a man into your home late at night?  What about telling your children to trust a man who gives you things?  I am one for fairy tales and fantasy (but, in reality, most of the “true” versions of popular fairy tales are morbid), but Santa hits a bit too close to issues of today.

Most people love him, even though he kisses countless Mothers each year.  This makes him a legitimate factor in the rising divorce rates.

Kids are taught to love him from a very young age, mostly because he gives them presents to reward them for being nice.  Doesn’t this sound a bit like a creeper (in the tamest of ways for me to say)?  Don’t a lot of bad guys use the same Santa-like logic to get what they want/need from children?

And then there is just the whole concept of the Old Man sneaking past your security system via chimney, and creeping around your house to make sure all are deeply involved in gumdrop and lollipop dreams.  He knows exactly what you want, which pretty much means he has been watching you way too closely – this is unless you wrote him a letter (I’m proud of you – keeping personality in communication alive…).

Then there are the mall Santas.  Holy moley!  Not only is it strange that Santa has time to hang out in a mall, but also that his beard hangs little too loose on his face.  Also, why sit on this strange “Santa’s” LAP of all places??? He smells a lot like cigarette smoke, and his breath is seasoned with dragon bum and garlic.

I think A Christmas Story‘s Santa embodies much of my Santa fears, right down to the “HO HO HOOOOO!”

The only version of the Christmas Eve Intruder that I find remotely OK is Buddy the Elf’s Santa.  There is something about that version that makes me smile.  Maybe it is because Buddy speaks so highly of him, or perhaps it’s epic fist fight with the mall Santa.

Love him or hate him, he is a huge part of holiday tradition, and is surely going nowhere soon….unless….

HEY: Thanks to those of you that sent me some silly holiday stories yesterday, I would love to receive some more!  Please send me a story at beingnessasary@gmail.com, or leave me one in the comments!!!  Thank you so much!!!


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